LOCKDOWN.
Back to friends only, all I keep public here are picture posts anyway and it's pointless when I post them on my blog as well anyway.
I have pasted the url once and I will paste it again;
http://nmrfxxr.net/blog
If you're convinced you want to read my daily ramblings as well, ask to be added here.
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 Ayabie Paper Child No.1 : TAKEHITO hehehehehe he looks pissed off, huh? I would be too if someone was dangling me by my hoodie. Who should I make next!?
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Listening to DJ Ironik. "Hold me closer, hold me closer"
Today in London: It's snowing! What fun~ It's really crsip and cold and delicious. After my morning classes, which were fun and relaxed and nice, I walked along to Starbucks along with Vincent and Emily. Vincent is an amazing student, he's really dedicated and focused and I really admire his drive. Although i don't have nearly the ability of him, from my class I feel close to him because he is a Versailles fan, huh! A very dedicated Versailles fan. And we often pick the same things. Today we both picked out the same Kanji in a completely unrelated situation. Coincindence~
My camera's charging though and the snow was unexpected! So no pictures.
I had to go to the bank and watch them count out alot of cash from my account and seal it up. Paying my brother for Suku. The expression on my face must have been a little strange as I watched the lady counting it out because she assured me, "Don't worry, we always have to do it this way for business transfers."
Time to lighten my hair for the last time to white. After this I'm changing the colouring for 2010. It's going to be very different, look forward to it huh.
Looking back at myself, sometimes I think, 'This is me? But I don't look so glamorous~'
 Recently I don't look nearly so glamorous. I'm trying~ It's not working~ Even though i don't eat much these days the things I do eat probably aren't so good for me, so I gained weight. Wa~h, the dramatic thing happened, Chriss gained weight~ This is unheard of. Then again, a friend who saw me recently said, "You look so tried and pale!" People have got used to me wearing make up huh~ My natural skin tone is washed out~ Today I'm gonna clean up my room and begin to pack things for travelling home for Christmas. Looking forward to seeing all my friends so much. So so so much. Everyone please check out ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) suchi_intai! I've begun my Christmas drive, I'm going to try and update as much as possible with Christmas ideas! And just creative ideas! Please take a look~
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Microdermals in Singapore ?
Recommendations for piercer?
Tried internet, can't find anything. Must be fail at google search.
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 I feel really sick. I have tons of work to do. But I feel so sick. Only three days more, and the hardest part of the week is over. In a daze. I ate a whole pizza for dinner, only thing I ate today besides cereal at eight this morning though. I had quite a good morning, but through the day I just kind of... melted into a dazed person. Sitting doing this homework I have no idea what it's about, I don't understand it at all. Or if I did understand it, I don't understand (or remember) why it is the way it is. OK, getting that angst out of the way, I have been completely charmed watching SID's 'Play' Volume 1 this evening. Such a gorgeous mini-film. The kind of thing I'd show my friends anyway, even if they don't like SID and they don't understand Japanese. Tomorrow I'm going to start packing to go home. The picture... I might have posted before...? But it's so pretty. EDIT: I posted some really cute things as the start of my Christmas drive over the next few weeks at mine and tingedwords creative journal! Please check it out at suchi_intai Thank you!
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I've been letting everything that's been happening between me and G affect my entire trip here in the Philippines.
Don't get me wrong, it sucks pretty bad here. But I would probably be having a much better time if not for this pain in my heart that I've been experiencing during every quiet moment here (which happens a lot, since there's nothing to freaking do in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere).
So I've been complaining more (as evidenced by my recent twitter posts). Getting pissed off easily. Spending moments alone to meditate on the relationship that we had and holding back tears because I feel like I need to force myself to get over the situation. Feeling like a pussy because I'm unable to control my emotions. Like I'm pathetic for not being able to just get-the-fuck-over-him.
I hear from people that it's so fuckin' obvious that he's horrible for me, and that if they were me, they would drop him from their minds in a second! That I'm an idiot for even dwelling on him!
But they have no idea.
No one could possibly know the degree of your sadness. And because of that, you perpetually feel alone. No matter how many self-help books you read, or how many online articles you devour on "Getting over your ex", NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH.
Even after you've been through the situation yourself and have miraculously gotten over it, how can you just transfer that sense of tranquility to someone who's currently going through the exact same things?! For someone like me (someone going through absolute HELL because of this breakup), it's like I can't even be alone because every minute spent without someone there to distract me from my own fucked up thoughts is a moment spent in absolute misery and devastation.
That's how it's been for me.
I can't deny that I love G from the bottom of my cold, black heart. No matter how hard I try to push him out of my head, he's always fuckin' there. And it makes me seem weak, and it makes me seem pathetic, and it makes me seem like a horrible loser for not being able to control how I freakin' feel, but I CAN'T. I feel fake as hell because I'm always trying to pretend to be strong when it comes to him, when the real truth is that I'm weak!!
LOVE.
... *Sigh*
Who am I pretending for? It sure ain't for me. Because I only pretend to make everyone else happy. So they don't have to sit through my bullshit and my misery and be annoyed with me. I pretend so that girls will see my situation and go, "If Cheri can get over him, I can get over my ex too!!" And they'd feel all pumped up and ready to take on the world! I pretend so that others will benefit from my sugar-coated bullshit!
BUT IT'S A LIE!!
The truth is, I am absolutely devastated! The truth is,
BREAKUPS ARE FUCKING HARD!!
They hurt like hell and you feel like comitting suicide! You feel like no one understands, and like you're this loser because no one else in the world can feel your pain! You feel like an emo geek because you're not strong enough to handle the scary-ass rollercoaster of life!! You feel like you'll never find love again, and like no one will treat you better, and like you're not worth shit!
You could be the hottest, most successful, most talented and smart bitch on the planet, and none of that would matter. Why? Because of your BROKEN HEART.
Side-effects of a broken heart are mainly mental: inability to focus on tasks, constant zoning out, dwelling on horrible things that happen to you, feeling like there's nothing worth living for, insomnia, becoming upset over small things, antisocial-ness, sudden dependency on someone or something or some sort of activity. Etc. In extreme cases, a broken heart can cause physical pain akin to incredible feelings of heart-burn or strain. Coincidentally, these are also the effects of DEPRESSION. NOT SURPRISING AT ALL.
I've tried to make myself feel better. By talking to guys I have crushes on, or by playing videogames, or listening to music, etc. But there's only so much I can do. My heart is fucking BROKEN, and fixing it seems like the hardest thing to do in the world.
My point is, if you are feeling like shit because some guy broke your heart, do not feel pathetic and worthless because you're unable to get over it. Even I'm having a hard time with it, and I'm usually good at everything! It's okay to feel like crap. Cry your eyes out. Feel like shit. Write a blog about how your life sucks and COMPLAIN into it. Do what you gotta' do, man.
But whatever you do, do not try to pretend that everything is okay. Do not just wipe your BLT sandwich off with a tissue after you dropped it in mud and pretend that it's still good enough to eat because you worked so hard to put it together and it would just be a fucking waste to throw it out and accept defeat!
Everything is NOT okay.
Everything fucking SUCKS.
Your relationship is over and it feels fuckin' HORRIBLE!!
Your sandwich is covered in mud and that shit needs to go in the garbage!!
And you know what?! That's okay!!
Because the more you own up to it, the more you say, "FUCK IT!", show your pain and get the help you need, the easier it will be for you to get over it. The easier it will be for people to understand why you're being such a fucked up bitch. The easier it will be for people to digest why you're so miserable lately. The easier it will be for you to finally realize that it's okay to be sad, and that it will take time. Don't fight it anymore. Just let it come.
And if none of that works out, you can always bitch and whine and moan to me. I can handle it.
Chin up, friends. We'll try to get through this together.
broken-hearted,
XOXO Cheri XOXO
Care to stalk me? ♥
CHERITV // MAKEUPBYCHERI // TWITTER // DEVART // PHOTOGRAPHY
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heycheri@gmail.com
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Need a new camera.
Don't want an SLR.
Thnking of Pen E-P2 or something of similar quality.
Any recomendations?
Anyone with a Pen , would u recommend it?
I'm not sure if I want a Pancake lens or the kit though.
Fucking pov. :(
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my 'Hajimari' solo show opened last night at Jonathan Levine Gallery in NY.
Thankyou to everyone who came out! it was a pleasure meeting all of you.
i thankyou so much for such a wonderful night! :D
images of all pieces here.
( Read more... )
~and tons of opening night photos over at Arrested Motion HERE.~
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Remember the film I was make up artist/hair stylist for in the summer? Look where's it's got now! Michael, man, you've stuttered on the news. Your officially awesome. OH and that amazing film you made too, totally. Have spent today doing far too little work, but I'm happy. And I'm going to go to bed early and everything. (Early being 11, FYI) Also A BWUSH MAH TEEF MAWAFAWKER. I have now offcially ruined what could have been a perfectly good blog post aha~n.
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some in-progress teaser pics of my 'Hajimari' solo show
coming up at Jonathan Levine Gallery in NY this coming Saturday.
will post full images of all pieces after opening night happens. ;)
( ..click.. )
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Quick fangirl spazz.
There will be a live-action adaption to Tomoko Hayakawa's ヤマトナデシコ七変化 (The Wallflower). Truth be told I'm not really keen on the cast (aside from Uchi), but I adore this series so I'm definitely watching! For some reason though, to just imagine Kame acting as Kyohei makes me want to cringe. (drama info here).
ブラッディ・マンデイ 2 (Bloody Monday season 2)! Has anyone watch サムライ・ハイスクール (Samurai High School) yet? I watched the first episode and died. Haruma's character was too weird for me so I stopped. That's probably why I'm looking forward to BM2 even more! More Hiroki as well~ I hope Flumpool will do the insert song again~
Also, want to watch ライズアップ and 風が強く吹いている, yes I love Hayashi Kento, but Kento in the same movie as Nakamura Yuichi is a must watch. Koide Keisuke is in Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru as well so I'd expect it to be really good *0*. Oh yes, パレード, blonde Kento~
Watched ep 7 of Tokyo DOGS today, Tsukamoto Takashi guest starred.
So unexpected, I really miss seeing him around *0*
</fangirl>
entry 301 つづく
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horny
